Nico

 "When he touched me I was scared. I thought I had to die. I thought I was dragging down the gods in heaven, I was cursed, and seen myself in hell."

Pronoun
My pronoun is ‘She’. It’s my identification, my self worth. I want to be called ‘She’. I still have male genitals, but I don’t think it matters. I want to get Hormone Replacement Therapy, but I don’t want to get my genitals removed. It doesn’t really matter to me because the only reason you care about that is for sexual purpose. I’d rather keep my genitals the way they are. I’ll take HRT and see how things go.

Coming out & Childhood
I came out 3 weeks ago, so it’s fairly recent I got to this stage but it’s been moving fast when I started doing it. I have nice clothes and I usually look nicer than this. It has been a journey all my life. My sister dressed me up, in women’s clothes when I was a wee boy. My ex and I used to wear her clothes but we just couldn’t get along. I was kind of a loner. I didn’t hang out with a lot of people, I kept to myself. As a wee boy, I was abused by a neighbour. He interfered with me, when I was six. That was weird. I was interfered with by my best pal's dad but he just played with my willy, he was known for it. When he touched me I was scared. I thought I had to die. I thought I was dragging down the gods in heaven, I was cursed, and seen myself in hell. My dad got him by the throat but nothing was reported after.

Religion
I left home when I was 18. I was part of the Hare Krishna movement from when I was 18 - 19 years old, as a celibate monk. I left to Manchester in the 1990’s. There I discovered a lot of drugs and mayhem. I took drugs. I enjoyed them but I wasn’t happy. I developed schizophrenia. I was nearly killed on a psychiatric drug called clozapine. I probably had a drug induced psychosis. It was diagnosed by a psychiatrist who had me locked away. I didn’t know what was happening, and have tried to kill myself four times. I came to Scotland for preaching. We established a temple. Then I moved out to Kilsyth.  Most over the years, I have faced many troubles in my life. Nothing so much that destroyed me, but they almost did. At the moment I’ve mental problems, no wonder with all the drugs at Manchester. So, while I’ve been here I have been chanting Hare Krishna so many times then eventually that changed. I went through different state of mind. Some troublesome , some very joyful. I sometimes think Krishna hates me because I have only known loneliness and sufferings. I feel comfortable with Durga and Shiva now. I might be related to them in some way. 

Mother’s side of the story
One day I was in Sterling shopping, I saw my boy on the street frozen. It broke my heart. He had a home but he chose to leave the house when he was 16. Clueless. He was babied when he was home, I was scared when he left. He went to organisations that preached "Hari Krishna". They went around Scotland asking for donations. They told him that his parents are just his vehicles to come to earth and that he is a free spirit. This changed him. At the organisation he was given free food and there were a bunch of men and women who abused that and stayed in the organisation for free food. They were just doing drugs the rest of the day and sleeping around. He joined them. He was doing drugs. We went to Manchester tried to bring him back home. He was at the homeless shelter. We are a Christian family. We raised him and his brother and sisters Catholic. And his brother believed in Krishna and one afternoon he convinced my boy too. I think the devil has 2 purpose. One to instil fear into people and second is to break up the unity of a family. I think being transgender is the plot of the devil to divide the family. I don’t think he’s transgender. He just likes to dress up as a woman. That’s something else. Being disabled has isolated him. He has no friends. He lives alone and has caretakers. He meets nobody. Where do you think he learnt what transgender is? It’s the internet doing this to him. We cannot believe who he has become.