Han

"I met my current partners last September at a festival and they’re engaged. Literally they just liked having threesomes and
I was like ‘Okay!’ and here we are 10 months later, we still talk everyday."

Being Non Binary
I went to a Catholic secondary school in Ireland, so I had to wear uniform. We had to wear skirts, we had no option for trousers. After that I had a rebound stage where I was super butch. I shaved all my hair off, I was wearing all these baggy men’s clothes, gained a little weight. I think that was the first time, I said to someone that I was genderqueer. A few years later, I was living in Dublin and my girlfriend at the time was having these gender thoughts, and I was kind of going through the same thing. We were thinking about it, but not really dealing with it. Then, it was after I moved to Edinburgh, two years ago that I thought I could start fresh and not have to explain it. That’s when I started going by Han instead of Hannah. It was also when I started using ‘They’ pronouns. It’s been a journey since then. I’m figuring it out as I go. I haven’t told my family, actually. It’s not something I’m ever going to deal with my parents, at least. It’s not really relevant to my relationship with them. I’m in a different country now, and my parents are separated, I hang out with them but I don’t know because I’m comfortable with ‘She’ pronouns being used, I won’t take hormones or anything, so it would never come up.

Drag
A few months ago, I started doing drag. It is something I have been wanting to do for ages. I feel more myself when I’m in drag. I was very masculine when I first moved here. I thought I’ll just bring all my nice shirts and wear suits all the time. That was fine for a while, then I started doing drag, and started wearing make up which I never really did. I’m in a weird place now where I’m not really sure how I want to be presenting myself and that just ends up in me spending a lot of money on clothes. I struggle with my body a lot. I used to hate how flat chested I was when I was a teenager. I was so mad that my boobs never grew, but now I’m so grateful. I don’t ever have to bind, I just have to wear sports bras and I get flat chest, which I really like. I have been figuring out how I can express my weird gender fuckery. That’s why drag is so great! Fuck it. Just look like an alien. When people see you as a performer, they don’t necessarily gender you. Especially if you’re looking ambiguous enough. They kind of accept the narrative you’re presenting.

Polyamorous Relationships
I think what’s contentious now, is the Poly thing. There are lots of people in open relationships or casually dating but when you’re like solidly poly, people feel like it’s their business. My last relationship ended last August and that was monogamous, long distance and I have been in series of monogamous relationship before that solely with women. So, I have just been trying to figure it out myself, for the past while. I met my current partners last September at a festival and they’re engaged. Literally they just liked having threesomes and I was like ‘Okay!’ and here we are 10 months later, we still talk everyday, I visit them quite regularly. It kinda just happened. So, that’s pretty casual. I always tell people I’m seeing other people. I have told them I have other partners and none has actually had an issue with that yet. Right now I’m really enjoying polyamory. You get a lot out of it, I feel. It’s definitely some of the healthiest relationships I have ever been in because you’re not relying on one person to give you everything that you need. It’s all these things that you might not get from one person and you might end up resenting them for. Being poly is kind of accepting that you get lots of different things from different people. There might be a hierarchy of intimacy but it doesn’t make them any less valid.